maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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