Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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