apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
