Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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