I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
