i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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