No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
