I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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