Do you still have your period?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
