..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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