life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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