Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
