Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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