I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
