So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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