New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
