She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
