So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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