Non-Jews are for practice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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