So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
