I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
