mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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