A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
