if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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