I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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