I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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