I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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