K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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