fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Still dying that you shit outside
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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