It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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