i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How naked do you want me to be?
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