Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
