you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
