it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize