i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
