Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
