He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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