I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
