I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The air was thick with penises
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
