sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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