Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
