Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this boner is exhausting
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
