Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
