I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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