I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
