Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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