I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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