I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
