I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
