I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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