So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
