check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
