Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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