happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
