the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
