Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
