You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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