he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
