He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
