Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
