i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize