My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
