Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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