wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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