First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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