It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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