Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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