Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
