Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
