The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
