I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
