You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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