You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
