glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
