So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The power of my boobs compel you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
