Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
