I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
