i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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