I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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