Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
