Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
