I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
