Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
