$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
