I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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