you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
