is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
