i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
