went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
