sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
