it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
