i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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